Unashamed Read online

  The laughter went on and on until she was spent. When she glanced over at Noah, she braced herself for him to be annoyed or disgusted with her. Their friends were injured, their home was destroyed and she was laughing. Except when she saw his face it wasn’t disgusted. He watched her with an expression that could only be pity. He brushed her cheek with his thumb and when Lucia saw the moisture there it shocked the hell out of her.

  She was crying.

  chapter two

  A few days later, Noah sat carefully on the edge of the bed and watched Lucia sleep. He was exhausted but finally everyone was settled for the night and he was the only one still awake. She shifted slightly, her lips parting as she let out a small sigh.

  God, she is so beautiful just like this. Her dark hair spilled over the pillowcase like a riot of satin ribbons. He touched her cheek gently, unable to resist the urge to touch her when she wasn’t awake. When he couldn’t see the look of disappointment in her eyes. Problem was, she wouldn't talk to him.

  The doctor had said she’d recover physically. The lacerations on her feet and hands would heal. The bruises would fade. But she wasn't talking. What's more, she wasn't yelling. He was used to Lucia giving him hell. But lately, it was an accomplishment to get any kind of reaction out of her. Most of the time, if she was awake, her eyes were blank and vacant.

  Noah ran a hand through his hair in frustration. It was killing him to see her like this, so cut off from everything and everyone. She’d retreated into her own world and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Or at least nothing he’d tried so far had worked. It was like the lights were on but whoever was in there refused to answer the door for fear of solicitors.

  What the hell had happened? She said she hadn’t been assaulted, but something was happening with her. He closed his eyes and tried to focus, to remember exactly what he’d seen. His memories were a jumble of fear, horror and then pure rage. He didn’t even like remembering. He’d walked into what looked like the set of a horror movie with bodies strewn all over the place and broken glass glittering on the floor like diamonds.

  Then he’d heard Lucia screaming.

  By the time he’d followed the sound to their room, all he’d seen was that walking corpse—because the guy was as good as dead as far as he was concerned—holding her way too tightly as Lucia struggled in his arms. He hadn’t assaulted her, but there were a million ways to hurt someone. And he knew them all. Had that piece of shit hurt her before Noah had gotten there?

  Had he tortured her by telling her what he was planning to do? Noah had no idea. So of course he couldn't fix it, because for once in their lives, Lucia wasn’t giving him hell.

  “Lucia, wake up princess.” He repeated it softly over and over until she stirred.

  She let out a soft sigh and then rolled over. Her eyes blinked open and she stilled when she saw him sitting next to her. He touched the hand resting on top of the comforter, buoyed when she didn’t move it away. Her fingers curled around his trustingly. The vulnerability in the action was a shot to the heart. Even if she was angry with him, there was a part of her that trusted him instinctively to protect her.

  And I’ll always protect you, princess.

  It was a vow that he’d carried since the day Rafe died and one he’d carry with him to the grave. But first he had to get her to eat.

  "Baby, I brought you a tray. You need to eat something."

  She immediately shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

  Noah knelt next to the bed so she wouldn’t have to crane her neck to see him. "Look, I know after the craziness of the last few days, you’re coming down off that adrenaline high and aren’t particularly hungry at the moment. And I know with the moving around you’re having a hard time feeling safe. But I need you to keep your strength up. Try some of the fruit or maybe a piece of toast. Anything. Soup, you want soup? Can you do that for me?"

  She slid him a glance that at least gave him some hope. It was a flicker of annoyance, but she sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed where he’d placed the tray. Lifting the spoon, she took exactly three sips of soup. Then she put the spoon down, gave him a pointed look, and scooted back to curl into a ball on the bed.

  If Noah weren’t so worried, he’d have laughed. That was the first hint he'd seen in a couple of days that his Lucia was in there somewhere. But he still needed her to eat, dammit. And more than three bites. But he knew how Lucia operated, and he couldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to. She’d only dig in her heels and hold out to spite him. People always thought he was the hardass, but they had no idea how stubborn one tiny little woman could be.

  “Okay, fine. We’ll try eating a little bit later."

  This whole thing was completely fucked up. He’d almost lost the woman he loved, but even now that she was physically safe, she was gone. Or at least she was hiding and it didn't look like she had any intention of coming back soon. Luckily he had one more ace in the hole. He just hoped that Nonna would be able to get through to her. If this didn’t work, he’d call in JJ. But JJ was a lot more difficult to control with all her questions and her suspicious nature.

  "Lucia, I'm gonna need you to talk to me eventually. Tell me what's going on with you. We don't have to talk about it right now. But sooner or later we need to. You just take your time and rest for now."

  At the door to the bedroom, Dylan gave a nod indicating that his surprise was here. Noah just hoped this was a good idea. He’d called Nonna and told her that there'd been a break in at the firm and while Lucia was fine, she could use a visit from her grandmother. It was all he’d really been able to tell her. What the fuck was he supposed to say? A homicidal maniac tried to kill Lucia the other day?

  It wasn't an easy situation to explain.

  Right now, he was down to a three-man crew. Him, Ryan and Dylan. Everyone else was still recovering. Oskar had a hell of a concussion. Jonas could still barely see. And Matthias, well, he was all kinds of fucked up. His pretty boy face would heal soon enough, but Noah owed the kid a debt he could never repay. He’d stopped that sonofabitch from taking Lucia at great personal cost. He’d always carry the scars from fending off that guy.

  Considering the kind of hits he’d taken, he should be dead, but the kid would recover physically. He’d only ended up such a mess because he’d fought someone better trained, which was damn near impossible since Matthias had been trained by some of the best. Noah hated to think of the kind of monster Matthias had been forced to let out of his cage in order to protect Lucia. Was the killer here to stay now? Noah couldn’t ask him, because unfortunately, the kid was another one who wasn’t talking.

  Granted a temporarily wired jaw would do that to you.

  He strode out into the living room and nodded thanks to Ryan for picking up Nonna before he turned to the woman who was the only other person besides Lucia that he considered family.

  "Nonna, good to see you."

  She gave him a brief hug, and then pulled back. Her dark eyes searched his. "Where is Lucia? What on earth happened?"

  He nodded and patted her shoulders. "Come with me. Lucia is in the bedroom. She's fine, just resting. I think it would be good for her to see you."

  Nonna followed him, hesitating before she spoke. "Noah, you know I don't ask questions. But was Lucia … hurt?"

  He knew what she meant immediately. “No, not like that.”

  Her shoulders dropped in relief. “Oh thank heavens. I didn’t know what to think when you called.”

  Noah sighed, mentally working through what he could tell her. "There was a break in. My men were there. Someone tried to abduct her.”

  Nonna gasped and clutched her hand to her chest as she muttered a prayer. When she opened her eyes, Noah squeezed her hand to reassure her.

  “She wasn't hurt physically, except for some scrapes and cuts. She's fine. I just think it would be good for her to see you."

  Lucia was the only person the older woman had left of her family, so he felt like even more
of an asshole to drop this kind of news on her so suddenly.

  "She's in there."

  Noah hung back as Nonna tiptoed into the bedroom. Lucia turned her head, then her eyebrows rose when she saw who it was. She pushed herself to a sitting position and her grandmother wrapped her arms around her, all the while whispering softly to her. Lucia started sobbing immediately, clinging to her grandmother like she was the only thing keeping her afloat. Seeing her so undone almost broke Noah completely. He should have called her grandmother immediately; she’d obviously needed the kind of comfort that only the woman who’d raised her could give.

  But it was what Lucia said next that tore through him. "Nonna, I saw him. It was Rafe. He was here."

  What the hell?

  Noah left Lucia with her grandmother and staggered out into the hallway. He took a moment to lean against the wall, trying to make sense of what she'd just said. Did she really think that the man who’d been here was Rafe?

  The anguish in her voice made it even worse. No wonder Lucia wasn’t talking to him. She’d hardly talk about her beloved brother with the man responsible for his death. He was suddenly overwhelmed by everything that had happened and all of the emotions tangled up in it. Noah pressed his hands over his eyes, as if he could hold in the guilt and his own grief by pure force.

  “I did this to her,” he whispered out loud.

  The guilt of it hit him so hard he almost dropped to his knees. He’d made the mistake of thinking that Lucia was fine after the trauma of seeing her brother shot in front of her. Nonna always said Lucia was her rock during that time. They’d commended her on being so strong and moving past it when clearly she’d been struggling this whole time. They’d been happy to assume she was fine because it meant they didn’t have to worry about her anymore. They’d failed her. Especially him. Because he knew more than anyone just how traumatic the experience had actually been.

  He contemplated getting his things and leaving. The other guys could protect her, and she wouldn’t have to see him again. It couldn’t be good for her having to look at the man responsible for the single most traumatic event in her life every day. He was the cause and root of the very thing haunting her. Even as he had the thought, he knew he couldn’t leave. Even with a houseful of guys watching her, she’d still almost been taken. It wasn’t hubris to think that he was the best man to protect her. He’d been a top operative with ORUS for a reason, and it wasn’t because the big bosses had wanted to throw him a bone. He had been one of the best because he’d been trained by one of the best. He might be the last person Lucia wanted to see, but he was still her best shot at survival.

  No matter what, he'd help her. She needed to talk to someone. Blake Security didn't have a shrink on call, but he'd find the best. After all, it was only money. He had more than he would ever need of that. She was his and always had been. The love of his life. He had to protect her no matter what.

  He knew the anniversary of her brother’s death had messed with her for years. But this? She seriously thought she had seen Rafe? Maybe he should have been more up-front with her. Or maybe he'd been too honest? Maybe she hadn't been ready to hear the truth about her brother and what they'd done.

  No one wanted to hear that someone they loved was a killer. An assassin. He'd get her the help. His Lucia was in there somewhere. He just had to help her find a way out.

  With a deep inhale, he pushed away from the wall and strode down the hall to check on the rest of his men. They'd turned the master bedroom into a temporary sick bay with three smaller beds. Dr. Breckner was checking Jonas’s sight.

  "How are we doing, Doc?"

  "He's improving every day. But whatever that substance was, I think I have a hit." The doctor left Jonas’s side and went over to his computer. "When I tested the sample of what was in his eyes, I found traces of what appears to be a synthetic toxin. I've never seen anything like it, especially in aerosol form. The properties of this particular compound attack the optic nerve. But he seems to be recovering, which is remarkable. It’s as though the effects are only meant to be temporary. I plan on spending the rest of the afternoon digging through literature to see if I can find anything like it."

  Fucking hell. Noah sighed.

  "Don't bother. I know what that stuff is. There's an antidote. I have a contact; he can get you some." And Ian had better fucking come through for him.

  The doctor blinked at him. "You know what this is? Where does it come from?"

  Noah shifted on his feet under the scrutiny of the doctor. He didn't want to tell the guy too much and get him killed. But then again, he was an on-call doctor for plenty of shady types. He probably did other things worthy of getting killed.

  "It comes from the Himalayas. The aerosol is derived from a plant. Once I get my hands on the antidote, I'll let you know. I need Jonas back on his feet as soon as possible."

  "But that's impossible. His vision is getting better, but healing takes time. Even a month is an optimistic estimate, and two is more likely."

  Noah squared his shoulders. They didn't have a month. Jonas was one of his best. Hell, they needed all hands on deck. They were going after that asshole.

  "Trust me, Doc. I'll get it to you later today."

  That was the least Ian could do. Yeah, his old friend had alerted him, but he'd still done nothing to stop it. You know that's not how it works.

  Noah ground his teeth. Yeah, he understood how ORUS worked. Once a hit went out, there was no way to stop it. And any interference by any agent would result in immediate termination—the hard way. But still, Noah hated it. Hated that he’d almost lost. Hated that it was his past that almost cost him the woman he loved.

  Ian at least owed him that antidote. And when this was over, they were having a conversation about exactly how ORUS was run and who was steering the boat. Because if he had to, Noah would dismantle the whole organization brick by brick, man by man. It wouldn't be easy, but if anything happened to Lucia, that would be his new life's goal.

  The doctor looked skeptical, but he nodded. "I know better than to ask questions. But your man, he's still my patient. I want to run some tests on whatever you bring me before I use it."

  Noah sighed. "Fine. But you'll find out just what I told you. It'll work. And it'll put Jonas back on his feet in a couple of days, not months. What about Matthias and Oskar?"

  Dr. Breckner consulted another chart. "Matthias is healing well. He won't need reconstructive surgery. And he isn't likely to scar. He no longer has a concussion. But emotionally, like your girlfriend, he’s not responsive. Answers questions when asked, but otherwise he's not talking."

  Noah felt like a hand was squeezing around his heart. Matthias needed him, but he couldn't take the time out to deal with that right now. They were under attack.

  "And Oskar?"

  "He'll need another few days. His concussion was more severe than Matthias’s. The arm was dislocated, but nothing was broken, so give him a couple weeks and he'll be back to one hundred percent."

  "Thanks, doc. I appreciate you coming on short notice."

  Dr. Breckner nodded. "Of course. We go way back, Noah. You call, I come."

  Noah nodded his thanks again and went to find Dylan for a status update on the penthouse. He found him messing with the security monitors.

  "Everything look okay?"

  Dylan grunted. “I'm decent with these things but I'm no Matthias."

  "I hear you. The kid's gonna be on his feet soon enough, so you'll only have to play tech-support for a while. What's the status on the old penthouse?"

  "I got to the place before the police showed up. There was a body on the fourteenth floor. Dressed in all black, ski mask. Dead. Looked like he'd been that way for a while. Thing was, there was no blood on him. Cause of death was probably a pinprick found in the base of his neck. Poison of some sort, I think. But it clearly wasn't the guy the rest of the team fought."

  Noah frowned. "They sent two of them? What the hell? Did one of them kill the other
?"

  It made no sense.

  Dylan shrugged and continued. "I took care of the body. Took it to the incinerator down at the morgue. I wasn't seen."

  Noah nodded. "Thanks."

  Dylan shifted on his feet. "Boss, there was something else."

  Noah lifted a brow. "Yeah?"

  "He had tattoos on him. On each of his wrists, on his back, and his feet. At first, they looked like random freckles or dots. But when I looked closer, they looked like stars. I took a picture and then plugged it into a search engine. I was right. It was a tattoo of the constellation Aries."

  "Aries?" Noah hoped his voice was even. He’d known the body would have the signature markings. What he didn't anticipate was Dylan finding out.

  Dylan nodded. "Yeah. I noticed it looks similar to the ones you and Matthias have. Yours is Leo. Matthias's, I'm not sure."

  Noah pinned an intense stare on Dylan. "You don't want to open that particular Pandora's box."

  Dylan backed off. "Yep. I know better. Just saying. Whatever you guys are into, or whatever's coming back to bite you in the ass, we're a team. I just want to know, are they coming for you, or are they coming for her?"

  Noah crossed his arms and met the other man's dark stare. "They’re coming for all of us."

  chapter three

  Lucia woke up with the beginnings of a scream in her throat. She panted for a few seconds as the tendrils of the dream slid from her mind. She rolled over, confused when her eyes landed on bare brick walls. Then she blinked and it all came back. The attack. Moving to a new place.

  Rafe.

  She’d been dreaming about that day in the car with Rafe. It was bothering her that she couldn’t remember what he’d done right before leaving. What had he been doing at the back of the car for so long?